What Obama’s Victory Meant to Me

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Last night the world watched as Barack Obama was elected the 44th president of the United States, and its first black president. For me it was a very emotional and special moment. I watched as a man who has inspired me, who I identify with and who I voted for was lifted into one of the most important positions in the country. What blew me away about this moment was the beauty of seeing all these people come together, united as one, to celebrate a man who gave them hope.

Being Hispanic and growing up in a white household, the issue of race was not important, but it was always there. Throughout my life I have been labeled as “Mexican” because of my skin or “White” because of where I grew up. The truth is I am neither and I am both at the same time. I am Latino, white, black, Asian, German, Jewish as well as a host of other races and cultures which is a reflection of the people I call friends and family. In Obama I see myself. Someone caught between racial identities but at the same time represents the very best parts of what it means to be American.

What struck me the most about last night was all the faces of the people in crowd. White, Black, Latino, young and old all came together to celebrate this historic moment. You could see the hope in their eyes and the admiration they had for our new president. People like Jesse Jackson and Oprah Winfrey who are leaders in their own right last night were humbled to tears. Last night they were not famous celebrities, they were just one of the crowd.

This is where history is made. These are the moments we learned about in school. The moments that Obama himself talked about in his speech. Moments like when women got the right to vote or when Martin Luther King gave his “I have a dream” speech. This must have been what it was like to be inspired by JFK. To be a part of it, to experience it for oneself is truly remarkable.

I feel I have to say congratulations to John McCain for putting up a real fight. While I don’t agree with his politics, his devotion to America is unquestionable. His concession speech was classy, well spoken and sincere. Where was that John McCain during the campaign? Where was the John McCain from SNL? Last night he too rose above his parties politics and acknowledged the significance the moment with honor and respect.

To me this victory meant the realization of MLK’s dream and the dream of millions of Americans who gave everything to make this world a better place. It represents the American dream and the ideal that anything is possible if we work hard. Last night wasn’t about black or white, Republican or Democrat. It was about people coming together. People celebrating the possibility of change and the power of hope. It is a moment that represents the very best of America and a moment that I will not soon forget. Today I am proud to say I am an American.

Congratulations Barack Obama, our 44Th president of the United States of America.

A goodbye for Mama Chila – by Eva

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There are no words to describe what she means for us. Everyone who knew her understands how special and particular this lady was. It is hard to say goodbye to a person like that, however I have to do it.

Mom: You were the only mother I knew when I was a kid. You were always there for me and loved me unconditionally. You taught me good from bad and how to be a person who cares. You were my strength in every difficult time, and you were there with me to celebrate the blessing to be a mother. You will always live in my heart, but now I know you are with God in a better place.

Thanks for everything you gave me and did for me. Thanks for all the love and thanks for being my angel, everyone’s angel…Goodbye mom.

Mama Chila – By Eva

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What do you do when a person you love is feeling pain? What can you do to help?

It breaks my heart to leave Mama Chila at the Hospital de Heredia today, alone, knowing she is feeling pain and wondering if she will get better for good.

What a brave woman…

Today when I saw her laying on the hospital bed a bunch of thoughts and feelings came along like a big wave, like a sudden and pouring rain… how much I wanted to tell her at that moment, and now I wonder if I will have time to say it to her?

After all, the only thing I could clearly find in my mind was thanks, thanks because she made me the woman I am now, and please tell me how you can thank someone who gave you her entire life and more just in a simple act out of love?

For so many years I’ve been thinking I was prepared for this, but facing this kind of situations is not something you are exactly prepared for… all the feelings of lost and loneliness came again to my heart by thinking I am losing my mother, again…

Today I Remember My Mother, R.I.P.

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Ana MilagroI guess you could say that this is the day that changed my life forever. It was on this day 26 years ago, three days before my first birthday, that Honduran officials stormed the safe house where I was staying with my mother. At the time my family were fighting as revolutionaries in the Salvadorian Civil War.

We don’t know the exact details and probably never will. We think my mother was not in the house when it happened and was able to call my grandmother one last time. We will never know exactly what happened, but what I do know is that this was the last time I was with my mother.

While searching the safe house Honduran officials found me in a back room. I was placed in an orphanage for a year before getting adopted.

It’s a little strange to think that one moment in time completely changed my life forever. Had my mother left the movement like she wanted to, maybe I would have never been lost for 16 years. It’s hard to say what might have happened. But I don’t spend too much time thinking about that any more.

However, for many years I did think about what happened, and this day always was very hard for me. I felt like this was the day that everything went wrong, the day I lost the most important person to me; my mother.

A few years ago that started to change for me, when I realized how fortunate I have been in my life. I started to let her go.

I still think of her on this day, but it’s not the same. I think about what she had to give up. The strength it must have taken to put herself and her family in harm’s way. How impossibly hard it must have been. If I would have done the same. Most of all I think about how the sacrifices she made for me gave me a life and opportunities I might have never had otherwise.

This may seem a bit off topic but I’m a big Harry Potter fan. I suppose that part of me identifies with that character. His mother died for him so that he could do great things. I see that in my own life and its the reason that I try to live everyday to the fullest. I wanted to share a quote that J.K Rowling uses in the final Harry book. To me it says, even though the ones we love are gone, they still live on inside of us.

Death is but crossing the world, as friends do the seas; they live in one another still. For they must needs be present, that love and live in that which is omnipresent. In this divine glass, they see face to face; and their converse is free, as well as pure. This is the comfort of friends, that though they may be said to die, yet their friendship and society are, in the best sense, ever present, because immortal. – William Penn, More Fruits of Solitude

R.I.P. Ana Milgro Escobar de Coto. You will always be with me.

Saying Goodbye to My Grandmother

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About a month or so ago I found out that my grandmother was sick. At the time we did not know what was wrong with her, but she seemed to think this was the end for her. They told me she was tired and was ready to move on.

This was something I was not expecting to hear from her. Over the past couple of trips I had started to notice her aging more than she had before. I had a lingering feeling that one day I would have to say goodbye. However, it wasn’t until I heard what she said to my sister that it actually hit me.

I am going to miss her. Now, I can’t say that I am very close to her. Since my Spanish isn’t the greatest, we don’t talk much.

When I see her it’s for a few hours each trip. She greets me with a smile and asks me about the rest of the family. She never asks me about my life or what I am doing. She loves to cook for me, and I definitely enjoy her food. It’s so simple and in some ways so meaningful.

It’s not talking, it’s not judging, it’s not questioning. It’s just being together.

I’m not exactly sure why this is affecting me this much. I’ve had other grandmothers whom I loved pass away, and I didn’t feel like this. I don’t think I was that close to them either. Maybe it’s because without her I would not be sitting here in my sister’s house.

I don’t think I can put into words what she means to me and how I feel about her. All I can say is that she never gave up on me and because of her hard work I have had so many happy memories.

She is doing much better now, but I know that one day I will have to say goodbye. Hearing those words was a wake up call in some way. I suddenly knew that each time I see her it might be the last. It’s a little sad to think about, but from now on I will appreciate so much more every moment I get to spend with her.

On the Road Again

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Next week I will be flying down to Central America again to work on a project with my father’s business in Panama. This will be a little shorter than my last trip which was a month long. I’ll be down there for 3 weeks.

On the trip I will be doing work for a business that I am trying to start up. As part of this business I am trying to show the impact that technology has on developing nations. If you are interested in learning more about the work I am doing take a look at my company’s site www.cotosolutions.com.

I’m excited to see my brother and sisters. My grandmother was sick a couple weeks ago so I am looking forward to seeing her as well. Maybe I will get a chance to do a few more video interviews!

How Do You Make Impossible Decisions?

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How do you make an impossible decision? The type of decision that can forever change your life and the lives of the people you care about the most. How do you walk away from a husband who drinks to much? Or leave your comrades at arms to raise a family? How does a teenager find the strength and courage to run away from his or her parents? How do you leave a business that has been your life’s work knowing it might fall apart if you do?

I don’t know how we make these decisions. We think and think, yet no matter how hard we think the answer eludes us. We are faced with a choice of doing what’s best for us or doing what’s best for those around us. You ask yourself a never ending set of questions as you struggle to make the right choice. Should you honor your commitments even when you are no longer happy? Are you being selfish or doing what’s best for you? When is enough, enough?

I wish there was some easy way to know what the best course of action is, but there isn’t. These are things that you must decided for yourself. You can ask for people’s advice and get their input, but at the end of the day you have to live with your choices. You must be accountable for your actions and accept all consequences no matter how undesirable.

Sometimes I feel like our story has been one impossible decision after another. I admire the courage and strength that each of those decisions took to make. There is no right answer. They are impossible because it feels like no ones wins. Even when you know you are doing the best thing for yourself you can’t help but feel bad for the people it is going to effect.

The Moment it All Changed: When I Let Go of My Past

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Through most of my life I struggled with the fact that the family I lived with was not my biological family. I am sure this is something that many adopted people go through at some time in their lives. I think much of that came from the fact that when I was younger I knew so little about where I came from and who I was. Your birthday and background are such an important part of your identity and for the first 15 years of my life this was surrounded in mystery.

I think this also stemmed from the fact that I could see my little brother as the child of my parents. He was like them is so many ways and I was so different. Not having people in my life who were like me and who understood me was hard. Then I found my family and I found a piece of myself. However, part of me would not let go of those childhood dreams of seeing my mother again. How are you just supposed to let go of the one thing you wanted all your life?

In the last interview my sister asked at what point did it all start to make sense? When did everything change for me? I can remember the day. The day where I was finally able to let go of my birth mother and accept who I was.

It was May 2003 and I was in Central America visiting Eva. I was talking with her about our biological mother because May 19th is the day that she was taken from us and a day that I always think about her. It used to be a very difficult day for me. For in my mind, this is the day that my world was ripped apart.

I was talking with Eva about this. I was so sad and trying desperately to understand why this happened to us. Then Eva said something that I will never forget. She said that I had a great mother in Margaret and behind her, looking down on us, was our mother.

A few days later I was back in Boston. I think I was still feeling a little down. When I got home Margaret had something for me. It was a letter she had sent me while I was in school. The letter was part of something the school was doing and was supposed to be posted somewhere in school. For whatever reason they received the letter too late and ended up sending it back home.

I opened it up and started to read. The letter said how proud she was of me and what a joy it was to raise both Derek and myself. On the back she wrote “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. Do you remember I used to sing that to you when you were little?”

I broke down. I remembered very clearly when she used to sing that song. I remembered all the difficult times we had. But most of all I remembered how she loved and cared for me over the years. How both my adoptive mother and father gave me so much when I was little. How they stood by me when I struggled to understand who I was and what had happened to me. How they always believed in me. How they taught me right from wrong and so many other valuable life lessons.

It was exactly what I needed to hear. My sister was right. Behind my mother was…my mother. I couldn’t believe it. This letter I was supposed to receive during school got sent back but arrived when I was away, so I ended up reading it just when i needed it the most. I guess you might call it fate, but from that moment on things got easier. I felt a sense of peace about the situation that I had not felt before.

Looking back years later I can appreciate so much more what my adoptive family was able to give me. Perhaps my longings for growing up with my birth family came from my youthful ignorance. Or maybe it was easier for me to dream of my perfect family then face the difficulties that every family deals with. Whatever it was, I know now how fortunate I was to have them. After getting to know my biological family more, I see how they struggle with the love and understanding that was given to me unconditionally. How they have a hard time looking past each other’s short comings and just love each other for who they are. What I realize now, is that the perfect family I longed for in my youth, I had all along. Not the family that was my blood but the family that became my blood.

Switching sides: Eva Interviews Me About My Plans For the Future

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Here is an interview Eva did with me right before I left Costa Rica the other week. I had to break it into two parts because it went over the youtube time limit and I didn’t want to cut anything out.

We talk about what it was like for me growing up in America and some of my plans for the future. The audio quality isn’t the greatest but it’s still a really great interview.