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Return to El Salvador: The Escobars

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For most of the past 12 years I have gotten to know my father’s side of the family more than my mother’s. This is because I usually stay with my father and sister. My family there is very “Coto,” and it’s easy to see how similar we are. When I first met my family, I noticed right away that the Cotos walk the same. We have a distinctive duck waddle that is easy to spot when we are together. The more time I spend with my bother, sisters and father, the more of these traits I have noticed.

Since most of the Escobars are still in El Salvador, I haven’t had a chance to get to know them as well. During this trip I really got to see what the other side of the family was like.

One night after going out to eat Pupusas, a typical Salvadoran dish, we stopped by my Aunt Haydee’s house. As she was talking, I noticed right away that my brother Ernesto and she make very similar facial movements. I chuckled a little and hoped she didn’t notice. I could just picture Ernesto making the same face.

I looked over to my aunt Tita on the couch and there she was, sitting just as I would. Back to a corner, one arm stretched resting on the sofa back, the other in the air supporting her head. Up until that point I always thought my mannerisms came exclusively from my father’s side. It was nice to see one from my mother.

I’ve often wondered what else I got from my mother. Looking so much like my father, I thought a lot of my personality might have come from her. Watching the family interact, I got to see their characteristics. My Aunt Tita and her daughters are warm, fun loving, and silly. My Aunt Dalilla and her sons are more quiet, reserved, and pensive. What a wide range of personalities! I definitely see these same traits in myself. It appears my hunch was correct, I am very much an Escobar.

That weekend was my cousin’s wedding. It was one of the reasons that I decided to go back to El Salvador. In attendance were all but one of my aunts and cousins I had not seen in 12 years. Some of them resembled my sister and her daughter. Others reminded me of my late grandmother. My cousin Cesar bares a striking resemblance to Ernesto. He was there with his wife, daughter, and newborn son. Again I’m reminded of the life I might have had. We danced and laughed the whole night.

Besides figuring out which family members looked alike, I also learned more about our family history. I learned that my grandfather, Hector Escobar, worked in construction and even helped build the Panama Canal. It’s very cool to think that our family had a small part to play in its creation.

Getting to know the Escobars was a lot of fun. I got to see another side of my family and myself.

Return to El Salvador: Exporting Americanism

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“Welcome to San Salvador,” says my cousin as we reach the city limits.

“Now, roll up your windows.”

One reason I hesitated to return to El Salvador was the fact it’s not as safe as Costa Rica or Panama. It is still a post war society, and riding down the streets this is very clear. Most major establishments have armed guards outside; “vigilantes” as they are called by the locals. The fire arm of choice seems to be a shotgun the size of my arm. It makes me uneasy and very conscious about my personal belongings. The guns are meant to scare robbers, but I find they have the reverse effect. They intimidate the very people they are meant to protect.

My first outing in San Salvador was to a flea market to pick up some decorations for my younger cousin’s wedding. It’s an interesting place with lots of people and stuff to look at. I wanted to take a picture of everything, but I didn’t bring my camera. I didn’t know if I could walk around here with it, so I thought I better not take the chance. What a big contrast from my visit to London earlier this year. There, I walked all over the place taking pictures and never once had to think about personal safety.

We left the flea market and headed toward the mall. “Empire state of mind” by Jay-Z was playing on the radio. Less than two weeks ago I was in NYC, one of the biggest global hubs, walking through Times Square listening to this very song. Now I’m driving down the streets of a Latin America, in a country that the world has pretty much forgotten about.

Listening to this song reminds me of my first visit here, 12 years ago. My adoptive parents and I went to a remote village in El Salvador because they were sponsoring a child there. As we walked down the dirt roads I heard “California love” by Tupac Shakur playing in the distance; a song I listened to a lot back then. I remember it amazed me how this tiny little village in El Salvador had the same music as I did. It was the first time I experienced the reach of American culture.

12 years later, I’m walking around the mall I again and I notice America’s reach. Many of the people here are very fashionably dressed. This is not the first time I have seen a culture of fashion in Latin America. San Jose, Costa Rica is also a fashionable city. However, this is different. The fashion in Costa Rica is Latin, whereas the fashion here is “western.” There are hairstyles and clothing that I’ve only seen in the US. When I point this out to my cousin she commented that it could be because of all the Salvadorans in there. It seems they are not only sending money to their families back home but also culture.

It’s fascinating to think that our biggest export in America might not be goods or services, but culture. Our music, fashion and way of thinking reaches all corners of the globe, infecting the people who live there. People in countries where the “American Dream” is a lot harder to come by. People who have to constantly worry about the well being of themselves and their family.

How ironic, we spread Americanism to all corners of the world and then turn away the very people who buy into it.

Returning to El Salvador: The Life I Might Have Had

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It has been 12 years since I last set foot in El Salvador. When I first came, I was 17, I didn’t speak any spanish, and had just met my birth family the year before. My adoptive parents, my brother and I had decided to spend the holidays of 1998 touring Central America. We went to Panama, Costa Rica and then El Salvador. I don’t remember much from back then, only meeting lots of people who looked like me that I knew little about. I had a feeling this time it would be very different.

As my plane made its final decent, we flew past the city and out towards the coast. We headed out to sea, as if we only passing by this tiny country, the same size and population of Massachusetts. Over clear blue waters we did a 180 degree turn and headed back toward land. Moderate winds bounced us up and down some as we got closer to the runway. Instead of thickly settled housing I saw small shacks and green fields. Instead of grid locked city traffic I saw famers on horse back.

I got off the plane and headed toward customs. An agent greeted us and directed us into the appropriate lines. She asked me if I was Salvadoran and with a little smirk on my face I replied no. After sorting through all the days luggage at the only operational baggage carousel, I was on my way. Walking out of the airport I was confronted by a couple hundred people waiting for various family members to arrive. This was a little overwhelming, but luckily I found my cousin without any difficulty. We then made the 45 minute drive back into the city.

That night my cousin, her two sisters and my aunt took me out for buffalo wings. Watching the three of them interact and joke around reminded me of me and my siblings. They seemed so close and…almost normal. Then a strange thought hit me. Am I looking at the life I could have had? Is this what it would have been like if we had never been separated?

Rarely do we get to experience “what could have been.” We often imagine how our lives might have turned out, but to be confronted by it is something else entirely.

It made me question the choices my parents made. El Salvador is still a mess. There is still a lot of crime, violence and lack of opportunity. Did the revolution really change anything? If they had not joined, would it have mattered? My aunts and uncles didn’t fight and their lives seemed to turn out alright. I’m sure life in El Salvador isn’t easy, but at least they have each other. At least they are together.

Cars, Giving, Salt Mines, and Space Suits: Four #140conf Moments You May Have Missed

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Over the past year the #140conf has traveled all over the world exploring the state of now. Speakers from all walks of life have shared stories of how real time web is changing their lives and businesses. Recently the #140conf took place in two very unusual locations, Detroit and Hutchinson, Kansas. These two conferences were unlike anything the #140conf had ever seen. While each city was different, the people there showed us the power these tools have to connect, disrupt and create serendipity.

The #140conf Detroit began with a day of giving. It was a chance for speakers to help local non-profits better understand the opportunities of the real time web. Co-hosted by Chris Barger of General Motors at the companies headquarters, the small conference room was electric with conversation, ideas and most importantly, hope. The highlight of the day was when one non-profit employee exclaimed that he had to rush home because he had gotten 5 new ideas and wanted to get working on them right away.

That energy carried over to the next day. The conference took place in the absolutely gorgeous Filmore Detriot theater. We got to see how special Detroit is and what people like Jeremiah Staes are doing to change its image. You got the sense that the people of Detroit knew this was their time to shine. They listened on the edges of their seats and exchanged ideas about how to make real lasting change. Detroit is a beautiful city that has fallen on some tough times. Seeing the energy in that room was inspiring and you just knew that something amazing was happening.

After Detroit it was off to Hutchinson, Kansas for #140conf Small Town. Here, too, there was a buzz in the air. One of excitement and exploration. For many in small town America the term ”social media” means nothing. The #140conf was an opportunity for them to learn about the real time web and experience it first hand. They listened to stories of how farmers and friends were using it to connect small town America to the rest of the world, like Kevin Honeycutt who is exploring the role of educators in the real time web. By the end of the day, they were wide eyed with excitement about the possibilities of this new medium and ready to jump in head first.

Hutchinson was the perfect place for this small town event. It’s filled with warm, welcoming people and unexpected surprises. Halloween night we all gathered in costume at the local salt mine. We traveled 650 feet underground into the tunnels that run under the city and got to experience life as an ant. After the conference there was a party at the Kansas Cosmosphere and Space Center. We got to see space suits and space ships that actually went into space. Who could have imagined that this small town in the middle of America could hold such wonders.

Both Detroit and Hutchinson showed us one thing: We have have not even began to understand the impact and potential of the real time web to change the world we live in. Check out all the videos from Detroit and Small Town at http://bit.ly/SmallTownVids. Next year holds even more surprises in store as the #140conf continues to explore the ever changing state of now.

P.S. At the beginning of the year I set out, on a journey, to share my families incredible story with the world. #140conf has given me an opportunity to do that with so many wonderful people. I’m working on a documentary film which will bring our story to even more people. We are running out of time with our kickstarter project to raise the money we need to start shooting. If you have been touched by my words at a #140conf please consider helping us out by giving to the project or helping spread the word. http://kck.st/dlC3wK

A big thank you to the #140conf community for their support and to Jeff Pulver for allowing my voice to be heard. Remember the opportunity you have, and go make something happen.

#140conf LA Recap: Lots of Awesomeness, But Different Than Boston.

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Last week I attended the #140conf in LA. This event was similar to the Boston event but also different.

One thing I loved about the LA conference was the diversity of speakers. Being LA, there were a number of high profile speakers, including Greg Grunberg from the TV show Heroes, recording artist Michelle Branch and comedian Kevin Pollack, to name a few. Then you had the somewhat typical, but always insightful social media crowd talking about using these tools for business. Then there were the surprises like a wine grower and some famers talking about how they were using technology to connect with their consumers. From celebrities to farmers, it was interesting to see how these distinct groups are using social media to connect with people.

I would say the biggest difference was that LA didn’t feel as close knit as Boston. I felt like not as many of the speakers hung around after their talks. I understand it’s two very long days, but it would have been great to connect with more people. Maybe it’s because I’m from out of town, but it seemed harder to meet people. That’s not to say I didn’t meet some really interesting people. I had several great conversations with people from all over.

Video From the Conference

There is a ton of video from this two day conference. I think it is all being upload and can be watched on the 140conf blip.tv channel. Here are some of my favorite talks.

Andy Grammer (The highlight of the conference for me)

Farming, Cattle ranching and the real time web

Social media for social good.

#Squish, a new way to share love on and offline.

Incase you missed it, this is my talk.

#140conf Detroit

Up next is the #140 conference in Detroit. This 140 conference will be a little different. It will be about how to use the real time web to rebuild a city. On the 19th there is going to be a day of giving where we will be working with local non-profits to help them get a better grasp on this social media stuff. I’m really looking forward to helping out and to another wonderful #140 conference.

Getting Ready for #140conf LA

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Chamillionaire at TC Disrupt

It’s been very busy around here lately. Two weeks ago I spoke at the #140conf in Boston which was a lot of fun. That same day we launched our film project on kickstarter. There has also been a lot going on behind the scenes as we prepare for the next event, #140conf LA.

Sunday I’m back on the road again to spend a week in LA. Monday and Tuesday is the #140conf LA, at The Music Box, where I will be speaking again. I’ll stay in LA for the rest of week so John and I can have some face time to work together.

I’m very excited for the LA conference. I have a feeling there will be a bigger audience than Boston, which is exciting. Also, there will be a couple of well known celebrities, such as Nick Cannon, Michelle Branch, Kevin Pollak and Chamillionaire. I can’t wait to hear their thoughts about technology and how they are using it.

One person I am really interested in seeing is rapper/entertainer Chamillionaire. I have a couple of his songs and I’ve seen videos of him speaking at Stanford and other tech conferences. He recently spoke at TechCrunch Disrupt about what a rapper is doing at tech events. The video is below. I’ll be speaking after him so maybe we will get a chance to chat.

He mentioned that he uses google alerts so posts might show up on his feed. It’s funny how technology makes us so close. I look forward to meeting him and everyone else at the conference. Boston was great and I have a feeling LA will be just as good.

The Last Time I Saw Her: Remembering My Grandmother, Mama Chila

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May 2008

A Remarkable Woman

Two years ago last week, my grandmother Mama Chila passed away. I’m not sure I can describe what an important person she was to the family. It was due to her pure determination that we were even reunited.

After the war, she went back to El Salvador to look for her lost grandson. She asked questions people didn’t want to hear and had doors slammed in her face. She kept pushing until her dream of finding me came true.

When we were reunited she played a crucial roll in bringing the two families together. The first letter she wrote to us after our initial visit was to my younger brother Derek. It started “Dear Grandson.” This was a very meaningful gesture because Derek was not related to her and the reunion had been hard on him. She knew the only way this would work is if we became one family. She set the tone right away.

Since I can’t put into words what she meant to us, I want to share with you my last memory of her.

Remembering Our Last Days

In May of 2008 I went down to Central America for three weeks. Mama Chila had started to get sick the fall of 2007. I wasn’t sure what to expect when I went to go visit, but I was pleasantly surprised to see her condition had improved. She was a little frail, but up to her old tricks, cooking, cleaning and doing chores around the house. I gave her a big hug and greeted the rest of the family. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew this could be the last time I saw her.

I’m pretty sure the first thing she asked me was if I was hungry. She would make a traditional Salvadoran dish called pupusas. Knowing that I was coming she had already gone to the store to get all the ingredients. Mama Chila and my aunt got to work right away.

They must have been really good that day because I ate a lot. I had four for five for lunch. Then I had another two as a snack and three more for dinner. As if I knew this was the last time I would enjoy her cooking, I had more than my fair share.

She loved to cook for me. I think it was her way of taking care of me. I had my own life in America and didn’t need anything from her. The one thing she could do for me, that she knew I loved, was to cook. I didn’t even have to ask. She was always ready when I came to visit and if I didn’t eat at least four she would ask if something was wrong.

This was our relationship. We never talked much about life or about the events of the past. We just had those little moments together. I think they were special in their own way. After everything we had been through, the separation and the journey to reunite, the only thing we needed was that.

It’s the Little Things You Miss the Most

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The Little Things

I hate to go
But I can’t stay
Stuck between worlds
A life almost complete
Bittersweet like lemonade
It’s the little things you miss the most
A hug on a rainy day
A joke no one else gets
Off on my own, until I return
And I remember why
I never want to leave

– Nelson/Roberto

My Sister Comes to Visit

It’s been a little quiet on the blog and Facebook page over the past week. That’s because my older sister Eva was visiting me from Costa Rica. She was here for about 10 days, even though it felt like much longer. I was so busy having fun with her that there wasn’t much time to post updates.

We did a lot in the short time we had. I was her personal tour guide and I took her all around Boston. We went to a Red Sox game and a Duck Tour, and walked all over the city. She really got to see and know Boston.

Some photos from our time together. More to come!

www.flickr.com

Getting to Know My World

I think it was interesting for her because she experienced a little bit of my life. Not only where I live, but what it’s like to travel like I do. You’re constantly torn between the people you love and the life you have. Just when you’ve adjusted it’s time to leave.

It’s not easy always being on the go but it’s the life we have. What’s the alternative? Sure we could all live our own lives and see each other every couple of years or so. That just seems like a waste of the second chance we have been given.

On the Road Again

Speaking of traveling, I will be going down to Panama at the end of the month. This will be a very short (for me) 10 day trip. Mostly, I will be helping my father’s business with some computer upgrades, but I will try to take some more great photos as well!

Why I Want to Speak at #140conf and How You Can Help

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About #140conf

The other week I went out to the #140conf Boston TweetUp. For those of you not in the know, a TweetUp is a networking event for people on Twitter. This event was all about the #140 Character Conference taking place September 14th in Boston. Being a pretty heavy twitter user, I had heard about #140conf before but I wasn’t exactly sure what it was about. Thankfully, the founder of #140conf Jeff Pulver was there to enlighten us.

He described it as a conference about the real time web, but also a platform for people doing interesting things to shine. Jeff tries to get celebrities and other big names to speak at the conferences to build an audience, then opens it up to lesser known people to speak. There are individual talks which last no more than 10 minutes and group talks that are no more than 20 minutes. The idea is to have lots of different people present a wide range of ideas.

My Pitch

Of course this sounded like a great opportunity for me to talk about the documentary project I am working on. I promptly wrote up a proposal to speak. Below is the proposal I submitted. Let me know what you think.

I would like talk about my family’s incredible story and how the real time web is helping us share our story.

This past December I sat down with my family in Central America to interview them about the past 12 years since we were reunited. We used ustream to broadcast the event to our friends and family. It was an interesting experience for some family members who had never heard or seen my father speak about what happened during the war.

From that first interview I started doing more interviews with other family members about different aspects of the story. My goal is not only to share our story with the world, but to make a documentary from it.

The internet has always played a big role in my life and in reconnecting with my birth family. In 1997 our home number was found by doing an internet search. Over the past 12 years we’ve used AIM, Skype, Facebook and many other programs to keep in touch.

I’m fascinated with the power of the web to connect people and share information. The #140conf seems like it is a celebration of this idea. It would be an honor to be able to share our story with a group of like minded people.

How You Can Help

Jeff was big on saying he wants people to tell him who should be speaking at the confrence. If you think I would make a good speaker at #140conf and you are on Twitter you can drop Jeff(@jeffpulver) a line. Please don’t spam him but you could say something as simple as:

I would like to hear @dewittn speak about #anasmiracle at #140conf

Every little bit helps!

Nervously Going Back to El Salvador

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I recently booked tickets to El Salvador for a week in December. I’m going down for a cousin’s wedding. This will be my first time back since 1998 and I’m a little nervous.

Since the end of El Salvador’s civil war the situation in the country has steadily declined. The war was supposed to improve life for its people. Instead the country has become less economically stable and more violent. Now a country the size and population of Massachusetts has an average murder rate of 16 people per week. Over 2,000 people have already been killed this year alone.

My family is no stranger to this violence. A cousin of mine almost died when her husband went on a shooting spree, attacking her, killing their baby and himself. She recovered both mentally and physically but other family members were not so lucky. An uncle on the other side of the family witnessed his son’s murder when they were carjacked.

I hear a lot about how violent the country is. It always makes me ask if everything my parents did was in vain. They gave up so much to try and change things. Here we are 30 years later and it’s about the same if not worse. My family made it and are better off now, but what about everyone else?

Maybe it’s the violence or the state of the country, but the thought of going back “home” makes me uneasy. I don’t think anything bad is going to happen but I know this will not be like visiting Panama, which is much safer. My family has been asking me to come back and I never go. I feel bad sometimes but it’s tough when my immediate family is not living there anymore. Even though I’m nervous I think the trip will be good. It has been a long time coming and I can’t wait to see my family.