If you can’t see the video above click here.

I’ve been asked this question a lot recently: “How do I talk to my adoptive parents about looking for my birth parents?”

Obviously this is a sensitive subject and I do my best to give advice based on my experiences. Keep in mind, I never had this talk with my parents. Even though I wasn’t proactive about this, at the time there are things I did that really helped.

1) Treat them the same –  This is probably the easiest thing to do and the most imporant. I think that adoptive parents’ biggest fear is that they are going to lose you; that by finding your birth family, you are going to stop being part of their lives. Everyone who has asked me this question was really aware of this and didn’t want to hurt their adoptive parents. I think by doing the same things as you always do with your adoptive parents they can get over their fear and realize you aren’t going anywhere.

2) Include them – Some parents are more open about this than others, but the more they are a part of the search the easier it might be to deal with. I think a big part of my family getting over its fears was that they went with me and met this new family. As time went on, my adoptive parents got to know them more and it was a lot easier for them.

I also wanted to say something to the adoptive parents out there.

Try to understand this is not about you as parents. You are so important to your adopted child and they don’t want to hurt you. As an adoptee, looking for your birth parents is part of figuring out who you are as a person. I think it’s human nature to resolve unanswered questions, such as where did I come from?

Good luck with your search and if there is anything I can do, or if you have other questions, please feel free to contact me. dewittn@anasmiracle.com

Saturday Night’s Dinner

Those of you who been following the Facebook page know that this past Saturday I had a dinner with other Salvadoran adoptees. It was a great event. I met some new people and reconnected with some old friends. I thought about the weekend, and some of the themes that were talked about during the dinner. I decided to make this video as a way to recap the weekend.

You Are Not Alone

One of the themes that came up during the dinner was the idea of being alone. Not because we didn’t have great families and friends to lean on, but the uniqueness of our experiences made it hard for people to relate our feelings. I know that when I first heard of someone else being reunited with their family it meant a lot to me. I felt like there was finally someone who really understood what I had gone through. I had the feeling that some of the others felt that this weekend too.

If there was one take away from this weekend, it’s that you are not alone. No matter what you have gone through or are going through there are people out there who have gone through similar situations. While they may not understand completely, talking to them can help you deal with the issues at hand.

I was asked a couple times how I was able to be so open about everything that happened. I think that a big part had to do with the fact that I talked to others about what I was going through. Although they didn’t always understand, sometimes they said something that made me stop, think and eventually feel better. So if you are feeling alone try to find someone who has gone through something similar. You never know what might happen.

More to Come

Thank you everyone that has been leaving comments on the Facebook page. I put up an interview with one of the co-producers of a documentary about the effects of the war 17 years later. It’s going to be a great film, so check out the video to find out more. If you haven’t joined the page then you should join, and if you aren’t on Facebook then now is your chance. I’m also planning some more interviews so check back soon.